seventyseven

I booked my trip to Borneo. The plan is that I'm heading to London-Kuala Lumpur-Kota Kinabalu on the 20th of July.
I'm going to travel around in Sabah-Borneo for a month on my own. I've never gone backpacking before so I'm really nervous and excited about it!
I hope it all goes well. It seems like such an amazing place. I'm mostly just scared about all the bugs and that I will probably have to take malaria tablets which can fuck you up a bit in the head. I think I'm actually more scared of leeches than spiders! Who would have thought that I could be more scared of anything else?!

So next on the list is vaccinations and discuss with my GP if I will actually need them malaria tablets or not. I guess if the risk is high the best thing is to take them but with my medical history of having a bit of a shaky mental health it's a bit risky.

Then shopping for some clothes for the trip. I have to try bring as little as possible but still both warm and not so warm clothes since I will climb mount kinabalu which is at high altitude and colder than the rest of the island but the jungle will be hot and humid. I also need hiker boots but I might just get them over there.

So good luck me!

H

seventysix

I was back in Sweden visiting there last week. It was lovely and I was so lucky with the weather! 20 degrees and sunny one of the days.

This is one of my old friends from school and her son Zacharias:




So cute!

seventyfive

Borneo tickets:

London Heathrow (LHR) to Kota Kinabalu (BKI), Malaysia,
Kota Kinabalu (BKI) to London Heathrow (LHR),United Kingdom,
Economy class return with Royal Brunei Airlines
Friday 10 July 2009 - Monday 10 August 2009

Total to pay: 759,20 GBP (=around 813 Euro)



Gah! Oh my, so much cheaper!




I have to get an irish VISA card!

seventyfour

Spring is officially here!
The weather was amasing for Paddys Day, and the day after too - for which I wasn't up to much due to all the wine I dutyfully consumed on Paddys day but went to a nice italian restaurant with Alex and had a smoothie in the park.

Took some photos the other day. Spring is really here and it makes me so happy!







You can just smell it in the air - everything feels so much easier.

and soon I'm going home to Sweden for 5 days! :D

seventythree

A long time ago I said I was going to put a photo up of the painting I made before Christmas... I gave it to Alex as a Christmas present and painted it with that in mind. And now finally I came around to doing it.




What do you think?

I know the photo is a bit crooked but I was in a hurry when I took it and it was standing on his bed so wasn't the best circumstanses...
I don't know what to call it though... any suggestions?

seventytwo

My banshee


In the darkest hour
she comes
It's the banshee and
she is after me
Her icy hands clasp around my throat
They stick there
like magnet to steel

But dawn is breaking
and she wont stay long
The first beam of light
will send her home
and all that is left is the smell
of sour grapes

...and hope



/Hannah

seventyone

I am completely in to the Twilight books... I haven't slept enough for several days because I can't stop reading at night even though my eyes are dropping. At the moment I am reading the third book. I have to get the fourth one tomorrow because I have a feeling I will have finished this one by then. I haven't been this in to a book since I read the last Harry Potter book.

But now I've come to that point were I just want to keep reading (it's like heroine) but still try to keep myself from it... dreading the moment when the books will be finished and I will have to step back in to reality. I just want to stay in the book. In the other world were I don't have to make any decisions or take any responsibility. No worries and no other thoughts. Like meditation in a way.

I love the books that draw me in like that. I want to write a book like that. I want to feel like that while writing... but I am scared that it wont be good enough and if it's not good enough for me, it isn't good enough to show anyone.



My phone is broken by the way. The prettiest phone ever... but not working.

Look how pretty:


I sent it off to get fixed and I borrowed sweet Elins phone for now, totally saved me
from isolation there. :)

Hopefully I'll get it back soon enough.

seventy

Master suppression techniques (or the Swedish word: härskartekniker) is something that is much discussed in Sweden but I have never heard of it here.

Two of the most common ones are the following two which are often used combined:

Ridicule

That through a manipulative way to produce someone's argument or person as silly and unimportant. This is implemented for example by using striking but irrelevant parables - even commenting on what a person looks like in an unproffessional manner is one way.
Example: A colleague laughs at your pronunciation and says you sound like a person in a fun TV series (when you had something important to say).

Affixing of guilt and shame

To make someone ashamed of their properties, or to imply that something they are exposed to is their own fault. This is often done through a combination of ridicule. Example: Even though you were not informed about that informal meeting, you hear that you should have figured out when it was. Nobody listens to what you say at the meeting and you feel that you expressed yourself in a stupid or unclear way. A woman / man who is sexually harrassed has themself to blame, for example becasue of the way she or he dresses.


Most people who use suppression techniques are not aware of it and it can be done in such a subtle and manipulative way that it is hard to respond.

I have a problem with this right now and I don't know what to do. I know about these techniques but I never learnt how to handle them in any other situation than a debate. In a debate you simply counteract by either using the same technique yourself (which is ugly and mean but it might be necessary) or by being very harsh about the fact that the person is using it and it is unproffessional.

But how do you handle a situation where the person/people in question is someone you have a personal relationship with and you don't think that the person is intending to make you feel bad but simply isn't aware of how they are hurting you?

Without attacking or ending up in an argument that doesn't lead anywhere... please let me know if you have any thoughts on this matter.

Tired.

sixtynine

When I feel particularly homesick I go in to this website where I can watch the webcam over my hometown.
It is funny becasue it is a bit like spying on people - I don't think that most people know that it's there at all. Here's a clip:



The picture changes once every minute and apparently there's snow at the moment... :) Nice.

Other news: I have been looking into where to go this summer. My original plan was very blurry. I was thinking about Palestine but feel now that I would prefer something else.

My next thought was India but I realised that at the time I would go it would be mad hot there - around 40 degrees Celsius! No thanks.
So my next thought was Indonesia but with the current warnings about going there and reading about it, for some reason it just didn't feel right.
Right now I'm leaning towards Malaysia - Borneo. It seems amazing in many ways - and very safe (and cheap of course) so my mom wouldn't have to worry. I really would prefer to go with a friend though. Anyone who wants to go with me?
If I do go on my own I would probably meet loads of people and it would be great for my selfesteem and I think it is something I would be very proud of. I just don't know if I am brave enough.
It's hard for me when everything isn't planned out but I don't want to go with a hord of other people (touristy americans in particular) and being scuffed around like cattle on it's way to being fed... I want to do it budget and for real. I know it will be scary but once I've done it I will be so happy about it.



Picture taken by Mark Daffey
Lonely Planet photographer

© Copyright Lonely Planet Images 2008

sixtyeight

I have cravings - as usual for something that is impossible for me to find here...

Semlor!



Don't they just look amazing?!

It's a traditional Swedish pastry that we eat on Fettisdagen every year - although these days people eat them from February to Easter. and they are amazing.
I wish I could get at least one.
I would be so happy. I could make the buns I suppose but I don't know if they have almondpuree (or whatever it's called in English) here, or where to find it if they do.

I am getting a Swedish recepie book when I go home just before Easter... Hopefully I'll be able to get a semla in a café then aswell! I'm buying the book 'Sju sorters kakor'. No doubt.

Slurp!

sixtyseven

I have a headcold. :(
Selfmedicating (here's some tips) a combination of Lemzip Max, Strepsil + anasthetic, Echinacea and my new favourite drink: Vit Hit berry Boost... It's great.
Tastes like swedish red mixed lemonade (blandsaft) and reminds me of summer... and it contains 100% of the recommended daily intake of loads of vitamins like vit C, E B1, B5 & B6 and Ginseng...




I am not getting sick!!! I refuse.

...The landlord is bringing me a new wardrobe tomorrow :)
I will be able to hang up some clothes finally!

sixtysix

For the last two days Ireland and the UK has been in a complete shock from the snow that has been falling here.
To be honest it is a bit laughable for me since I am used to much much much worse "real" Swedish snow storms. it's not even that bad here... only like 10 cm of snow at the most. I know it's a bit worse in the country and in the UK but not as bad as they make it out to be.
Not to be a bitch about it or anything but it is a bit funny... Loads of schools have closed - buses aren't running - the underground was closed in London - I mean, the underground! How is that even affected by the snow?!
It's just silly really.
I know they aren't used to it and they don't have dubdecks on the cars and blah blah but what the real reason is here in Dublin is that people are too lazy to walk to the bus-stop like they usually do and take the bus. It's almost like they think the snow is some sort of acid that will kill them if they walk in it...
So they take the car - and so does a couple of thousand other lazy people - and that's a recepie for mental traffic - that is what creates the chaos. Not the snow.

The snow here in Dublin is long gone now anyway. It snowed loads but melted as soon as it hit the ground. And then it rained like it was never going to stop during the night so everything was flushed away.

I miss the Swedish proper snow a bit. You know when you walk in the snow and it does that squeeky noise from being compressed under the shoes. It's a real comfort thing for me - so many childhood memories are connected with that sound.
I was really happy when the snow started falling because I saw in my mind how I could have a snowball fight and build a snowman and all that...
Those dreams were flushed away pretty quickly!

The forecast was for more snowy showers (that's what they call it) tonight but it looks fine to me... I think the wind changed. The sky is blue and it's warm so tonight I am going out to Celbridge to hang out in Alexs house and watch a film. If we get snowed in for real I wont be able to go to work tomorrow so I wouldn't mind - but I know it wont happen. Just my luck.

Other news: I am looking for a studio apartment because I want to live on my own and I need something closer to Griffith College since I am starting there in September. I want to get a cat aswell so I'm going to try and find something where I can have a pet. It's not allowed in most places.


I will be a crazy catlady - you just wait and see! :)

sixtyfive

I want to read Capital in English...
It seems like a good time to actually read the whole book. It will be more complicated for me than in Swedish perhaps, but it would be good to learn the lingo in English.
I haven't read the whole book in Swedish either - I could never bear it when I was younger - it just seemed so impossibly large and complicated. But I have read a good few bits and pieces on separate occassions and I think I'm ready for the whole of it now.
I don't think you have to read Capital to be a socialist. I was never an academic socialist but more a regular person with good common sense who happened to be good at talking to people.
But with the current situation I do feel like I want to read through it more thorough. Also I feel that if I read it in English I wont feel so confused with which words to use when I talk about politics in English.

Just looking at the quote below tells us that Marx knew very well what he was talking about back then and that it very much can be applied to what is happening at the moment:

"Owners of capitalism will stimulate [the] working class to buy more and more of expensive goods, houses and technology, pushing them to take more and more expensive credits, until their debt becomes unbearable. The unpaid debt will lead to bankruptcy of banks which will have to be nationalized and [the] State will have to take the road which will eventually lead to communism." Karl Marx

I'll leave you with that.

sixtyfour

will you still love me, will you still see me when I'm sixtyfour...

My housemate is moving out. We need a new girl in our house. This is my room, the room that's up for rent:


I'm probably taking hers.

and this is me:



I'm fun! Who would not want to live here?!

So let me know if you know anyone looking for a place. Alright.

Other news in my life: Taking a course for work called "Freedom of information and Data protection" - seems really interesting and also it's brilliant for when I become a Journalist. Perfecto!

Going to Celbridge soon to paint Alex's room and clean the attic apparently. I'm like the best girlfriend in the world.


and last but not least in this very scattered blogpost: Why is grandmother and grandson and all that called "grand" -son, mother, etc???
Are they better (more grand) than mothers and sons or what's the story with that?

Maybe I should study history of language instead... hmm...

sixtythree

So Barrack Obama is now President of the USA. Hurray.
The world is struck by Obamania and people seem to think he's Jesus and will be able to perform nothing short of a miracle. I would not like to be him at the moment. The expectations on him are just unreal.
Now, I'm not saying that it isn't good that he is the new President. I sure am happy that he won and not John McCain. But, I think we have to remember that he's only a human being. Also it is not a revolution and the difference in his politics to the rest of the world probably wont be that big. The biggest change and I think that the happiest moment for me yesterday was to see George W Bush being put in a helicopter and sent home. Out of the White House. Not a day to soon.
As an American citizen said when he was interviewed by Sky News last night: "It can't get any worse than it was before."

But what we have to remember is that even if some people want us to believe that what happened in the US was something in the likes of a socialist revolution the truth is that some of the administration from Bush's regime still remains in the White House. The people responsible for the Iraq war for example. This is a very strong signal that they will not be held responsible for the lies and the warcrimes commited and it certinly brings any hope for change in US foreign politics down to a minimum.

I'm also very interested in seeing how he will go ahead with the closing of Guantanamo Bay. I think the only thing honorable is for the US to take responsibility for the people there and give them a real trial with a proper defence and then make sure that the innocent people are taken care of by the US. It's the least they can do.

But I think there is something that is very important to remember:

"I am not a liberator. Liberators do not exist. The people liberate themselves."
Ernesto Che Guevara

and this is what the pundit kitchen says:




Only time will tell...

sixtytwo

I must say I don't feel like writing about anything else than what is going on in Gaza at the moment - and has been going on for the last 60 years.
I can't think of anything else - even when I laugh at a joke or kiss my boyfriend - it is still there in the back of my mind. The pictures of dead - of bleeding and dying men, women and children.



I read a very good quote today. It's from a book by Israeli Knesset speaker and Jewish National Fund chairman Avraham Burg. It's from a powerful new book called “The Holocaust Is Over, We Must Rise From Its Ashes,” and this is what he says:

“If you are a bad person, a whining enemy or a strong-arm occupier, you are not my brother, even if you are circumcised, observe the Sabbath, and do mitzvahs. If your scarf covers every hair on your head for modest, you give alms and do charity, but what is under your scarf is dedicated to the sanctity of Jewish land, taking precedence over the sanctity of human life, whosever life that is, then your are not my sister. You might be my enemy. A good Arab or a righteous gentile will be a brother or sister to me. A wicked man, even of Jewish descent, is my adversary, and I would stand on the other side of the barricade and fight him to the end.”

I wish and hope that the socialistic movement in Israel will grow so big that it can overthrow the current government and make a real change.

Because the answer to peace doesn't lie in a military solution. We can't put our faith in UN or any politicians or movements outside of Israel and Palestine. UN has already showed that they have no control or power over what is happening. Especially since the USA are standing in their way. Without the support of an American government UN has no real power in Israel.
I don't think that there will be a big change in that when Barrack Obama starts his precidency because if he would do something radically different he would already have spoken out. I must say I am disappointed because I - just like many others - had a lot of hope for this new president. Let's see what he does once he does get into office but I am not expecting anything radical from him.

The answer to real change and peace in the middle east - as anywhere else lies with the working class. Even Hamas that might seem radical by the average person here because of their violent resistance towards Israel are very right wing and Hamas military has killed unionist palestinians for their resistance of the oppression within Palestine. The Israelian government is super right wing and a big part of the working class people of Israel (Palestinians and Israelis living in the state of Israel) are payed way below what is necessary for survival. It is among them that the resistance will rise. They have no interest in war. The war is only in the interest of the upperclass citizens that want to stay in power and that want to show to the world that the "iron wall" of the israelian army is invincible. Because they were humiliated by Lebanon back in 2006.

There was a protest in the north of Israel the other day with 100'000 people (mostly Palestinians) saying that it must end. There was also one in Tel aviv where 10'000 people - mostly Israelians protested. So there is resistance within the state of Israel and I think that that's where we have to put our hope and support.

Because real and lasting change can only come from within and if we don't believe in that there is no hope at all.

/Hannah

sixtyone

Sunday, January 11, 2009
From a Meaningless Life to a Meaningless Death



Letter from Gaza

"The sky is still blue as I remember. I haven’t seen it since three days. I almost forgot how beautiful it looks on a sunny day in winter. I wish I could walk on the beach and enjoy some peace.

Three days ago, I moved to the house of my husband's family with him and our children. We left our beach apartment with the wonderful view in order to find a more secure place where the kids cannot hear the loud sounds of explosions and wake up frightened and crying. I cannot give them any assurances that tomorrow will be better for them and that they will be save. They stopped asking us when this going to end and when they can get back to living their normal lives as children.

The images are always the same, except that this time they are more violent and evil. We stopped enjoying anything after the Israeli war against the civilians in Gaza. Neither me nor my children can stand the sound of the continuous bombing of the Israeli war machines. It is worse during the night. The children started to go to bed very early to avoid hearing the sounds of F-16s dropping bombs. You cannot imagine how scary it is to hear the whistling of the missiles before they hit. With every hit you feel that this time you are that targe and you count the seconds before they hit. All what we can do is to thank Allah when we all wake up safe the next morning. We will live another day !

I used to listen to how people talk about hating wars, about all the pain it leaves in their hearts and souls. War is very cruel and we. the Palestinian refugees, have witnessed the cruelty of war more than once. This time, it is the cruelest of all. There is no mercy, no difference between a child, an old man or even an innocent, unborn fetus. All are criminals and deserve to die according to Israel.

I stopped hoping for an end,. My children have stopped feeling after seeing the photos broadcasted on the news. Children, families - are all the victims of the Israeli hate and inhumanity. Life became meaningless not only for us but also for our children. We, therefore, only wait our turn to join the list, as an additional number, nothing more, but just a number.

Our only wish is to die together as one family so no one of us has to live through the bitterness of losing the other."

by Najwa Sheikh,
Nusierat Camp, Gaza Strip

Source: http://socialistwebzine.blogspot.com/

sixty - years of terror

60 happens to be the number of this blog and also coincidentally the number of years that Palestine has been occupied by Israel and I will dedicate this number 60 blog to Palestine.

On Saturday I went to a protest here in Dublin against the warcrime and massmurder that is being commited against Palestine and the Palestinian people. One of the things that the protest brought up was that since Israel is a terror state and are murdering people everyday the ambassador of Israel should be thrown out of Ireland and the Irish ambassador should be taken home from Israel.

The photos below were taken by me at the protest on Saturday.








From www.indymedia.ie:

Over 1,500 people attended the protest march against the continuing assault against the people of Gaza.
With all borders sealed the 1.5 million Palestinians, living in Gaza, are trapped-with little electricity or fuel and severe shortages of food, clean water and medicines-and are facing Israeli's military might.
Gaza's morgues are filling up and its hospitals are overflowing, with the injured queuing in corridors to be treated with dwindling medical supplies.

Israel claims it is trying to stop Hamas firing rockets. Yet Israeli's agenda is the destruction of the democratically-elected Hamas government.

An Israeli military spokesman said that "anything affiliated with Hamas is a legitimate target". This means all of Gaza's infrastructure has become a "legitimate target." Israel has justified its destruction of Gaza,s schools, universities and mosques by claiming that Hamas is storing weapons in them.

More international pressure needs to be applied on Israel. This means an economic boycott. At the moment most Irish based grocery chains stock Israeli goods, including fruit and vegetables, stolen goods grown on stolen ground.




ON SATURDAY JANUARY 17th a collective boycott of Israeli goods in supermarkets in Dublin city centre will take place. Israeli goods sold in Irish supermarkets are herbs, fruits (such as Jaffa oranges) avocadoes , new potatoes, dried fruits - they are easily recognizable because they are marked 'Product of Israel' on the shelves.

RALLY AT 2pm AT THE CENTRAL BANK after which city-centre supermarkets which stock Israeli goods will be visited and the boycott of Israeli goods publicized.

'Boycott of Israeli goods, campaign meeting - to prepare the campaign and get your suggestions as to how to make it effective will take place on WEDNESDAY 14th JAN AT 6.00pm in the Abbey room, in Wynns Hotel in Abbey St. Everyone welcome.

fiftynine

I went to the cinema to see Che (Part 1) the other day with Alex.
It wasn't brilliant but it wasn't really bad either. We discussed it afterwards and agreed that we didn't really get a good feel for the characters - such a long movie could surely had dwelled more on getting to know a few of the people a bit better. Since we didn't get to know them we didn't get that heart crunching feeling you would expect when someone dies or get hurt. It was more like factual. Like ok so someone dies and we didn't even know his name. It's very rushed and dwells too long on the discussions in the UN without actually telling the whole story.
I was disappointed because I would have expected more of a story (it has to be said again) from such a long film - so long it has to be divided in two parts!
It was interesting though to see the discussions in the UN and the interview a journalist did with Che. I can't say I was really bored but it seemed to dwell on and repeat some really unnecessary things - like walking through the jungle - more walking - more walking and then some sitting around in the jungle eating and drinking.
I was thinking that maybe the director didn't want us to sympatise with Che or his men and was afraid of making some statement. He might have wanted to tell the story from a non judging point of view. That's all fine but the truth is that a film where you don't feel sympathy for anyone becomes flat and uninteresting.

So my judgement on the film was that for being so long (again) it had very little contents and it was a bit flat. I still want to see Part 2 when it comes out though because I really do feel like I only got half the story... time will tell if I'll feel differently after seeing the last part.

/Hannah

fiftyeight

I feel so angry, sad and powerless watching the news about Israel murdering all those civilian people in Palestine.

I think I've cried everyday watching the news lately. This is criminal and the world politicians must do something now!

I'm so angry!

fiftyseven

Insomnia...

God I feel like shit. Serious whining warning here, whining ahead.

So on Saturday I got the vomiting disease and was sick and couldn't move from the bathroom for about 6 hours. Kept getting sick for another couple of hours and basically haven't recovered since. Still can't eat. Feel so sick all the time and last night I couldn't sleep at all either. I just want it to be over. I want to be better. I just want to be healthy and be able to sleep so I can be a happy and nice person. Right now I am so annoyed and tired and I'm angry at everyone and everything.

I hate hate hate being sick. I hate vomiting. Vomiting must be kharmas way of instantly giving us a little taste of hell. I always feel I must have done something terribly wrong and start analysing myself and my actions so I can justify why i got so sick.

I lost about 5 kilos - and I do NOT need to loose weight so it's not good. I am weak and tired and whiny.

I hate myself and my body that is controlling me like this.

I just want to be better. Make me better... Please!

This is not the way I wanted to start the new year!