cinnamon

seventyseven

2009-06-14T16:01:00.002+01:00

I booked my trip to Borneo. The plan is that I'm heading to London-Kuala Lumpur-Kota Kinabalu on the 20th of July.
I'm going to travel around in Sabah-Borneo for a month on my own. I've never gone backpacking before so I'm really nervous and excited about it!
I hope it all goes well. It seems like such an amazing place. I'm mostly just scared about all the bugs and that I will probably have to take malaria tablets which can fuck you up a bit in the head. I think I'm actually more scared of leeches than spiders! Who would have thought that I could be more scared of anything else?!

So next on the list is vaccinations and discuss with my GP if I will actually need them malaria tablets or not. I guess if the risk is high the best thing is to take them but with my medical history of having a bit of a shaky mental health it's a bit risky.

Then shopping for some clothes for the trip. I have to try bring as little as possible but still both warm and not so warm clothes since I will climb mount kinabalu which is at high altitude and colder than the rest of the island but the jungle will be hot and humid. I also need hiker boots but I might just get them over there.

So good luck me!

H

seventysix

2009-04-09T17:31:00.002+01:00

I was back in Sweden visiting there last week. It was lovely and I was so lucky with the weather! 20 degrees and sunny one of the days.

This is one of my old friends from school and her son Zacharias:

So cute!

seventyfive

2009-03-23T14:41:00.002Z

Borneo tickets:

London Heathrow (LHR) to Kota Kinabalu (BKI), Malaysia,
Kota Kinabalu (BKI) to London Heathrow (LHR),United Kingdom,
Economy class return with Royal Brunei Airlines
Friday 10 July 2009 - Monday 10 August 2009

Total to pay: 759,20 GBP (=around 813 Euro)

Gah! Oh my, so much cheaper!

I have to get an irish VISA card!

seventyfour

2009-03-19T16:23:00.003Z

Spring is officially here!
The weather was amasing for Paddys Day, and the day after too - for which I wasn't up to much due to all the wine I dutyfully consumed on Paddys day but went to a nice italian restaurant with Alex and had a smoothie in the park.

Took some photos the other day. Spring is really here and it makes me so happy!

You can just smell it in the air - everything feels so much easier.

and soon I'm going home to Sweden for 5 days! :D

seventythree

2009-03-16T12:23:00.002Z

A long time ago I said I was going to put a photo up of the painting I made before Christmas... I gave it to Alex as a Christmas present and painted it with that in mind. And now finally I came around to doing it.

What do you think?

I know the photo is a bit crooked but I was in a hurry when I took it and it was standing on his bed so wasn't the best circumstanses...
I don't know what to call it though... any suggestions?

seventytwo

2009-03-10T16:04:00.000Z

My banshee

In the darkest hour
she comes
It's the banshee and
she is after me
Her icy hands clasp around my throat
They stick there
like magnet to steel

But dawn is breaking
and she wont stay long
The first beam of light
will send her home
and all that is left is the smell
of sour grapes

...and hope

/Hannah

seventyone

2009-03-03T15:19:00.003Z

I am completely in to the Twilight books... I haven't slept enough for several days because I can't stop reading at night even though my eyes are dropping. At the moment I am reading the third book. I have to get the fourth one tomorrow because I have a feeling I will have finished this one by then. I haven't been this in to a book since I read the last Harry Potter book.

But now I've come to that point were I just want to keep reading (it's like heroine) but still try to keep myself from it... dreading the moment when the books will be finished and I will have to step back in to reality. I just want to stay in the book. In the other world were I don't have to make any decisions or take any responsibility. No worries and no other thoughts. Like meditation in a way.

I love the books that draw me in like that. I want to write a book like that. I want to feel like that while writing... but I am scared that it wont be good enough and if it's not good enough for me, it isn't good enough to show anyone.

My phone is broken by the way. The prettiest phone ever... but not working.

Look how pretty:

I sent it off to get fixed and I borrowed sweet Elins phone for now, totally saved me
from isolation there. :)

Hopefully I'll get it back soon enough.

seventy

2009-02-20T13:02:00.002Z

Master suppression techniques (or the Swedish word: härskartekniker) is something that is much discussed in Sweden but I have never heard of it here.

Two of the most common ones are the following two which are often used combined:

Ridicule

That through a manipulative way to produce someone's argument or person as silly and unimportant. This is implemented for example by using striking but irrelevant parables - even commenting on what a person looks like in an unproffessional manner is one way.
Example: A colleague laughs at your pronunciation and says you sound like a person in a fun TV series (when you had something important to say).

Affixing of guilt and shame

To make someone ashamed of their properties, or to imply that something they are exposed to is their own fault. This is often done through a combination of ridicule. Example: Even though you were not informed about that informal meeting, you hear that you should have figured out when it was. Nobody listens to what you say at the meeting and you feel that you expressed yourself in a stupid or unclear way. A woman / man who is sexually harrassed has themself to blame, for example becasue of the way she or he dresses.

Most people who use suppression techniques are not aware of it and it can be done in such a subtle and manipulative way that it is hard to respond.

I have a problem with this right now and I don't know what to do. I know about these techniques but I never learnt how to handle them in any other situation than a debate. In a debate you simply counteract by either using the same technique yourself (which is ugly and mean but it might be necessary) or by being very harsh about the fact that the person is using it and it is unproffessional.

But how do you handle a situation where the person/people in question is someone you have a personal relationship with and you don't think that the person is intending to make you feel bad but simply isn't aware of how they are hurting you?

Without attacking or ending up in an argument that doesn't lead anywhere... please let me know if you have any thoughts on this matter.

Tired.

sixtynine

2009-02-19T15:04:00.002Z

When I feel particularly homesick I go in to this website where I can watch the webcam over my hometown.
It is funny becasue it is a bit like spying on people - I don't think that most people know that it's there at all. Here's a clip:

The picture changes once every minute and apparently there's snow at the moment... :) Nice.

Other news: I have been looking into where to go this summer. My original plan was very blurry. I was thinking about Palestine but feel now that I would prefer something else.

My next thought was India but I realised that at the time I would go it would be mad hot there - around 40 degrees Celsius! No thanks.
So my next thought was Indonesia but with the current warnings about going there and reading about it, for some reason it just didn't feel right.
Right now I'm leaning towards Malaysia - Borneo. It seems amazing in many ways - and very safe (and cheap of course) so my mom wouldn't have to worry. I really would prefer to go with a friend though. Anyone who wants to go with me?
If I do go on my own I would probably meet loads of people and it would be great for my selfesteem and I think it is something I would be very proud of. I just don't know if I am brave enough.
It's hard for me when everything isn't planned out but I don't want to go with a hord of other people (touristy americans in particular) and being scuffed around like cattle on it's way to being fed... I want to do it budget and for real. I know it will be scary but once I've done it I will be so happy about it.

Picture taken by Mark Daffey
Lonely Planet photographer

© Copyright Lonely Planet Images 2008

sixtyeight

2009-02-10T11:38:00.003Z

I have cravings - as usual for something that is impossible for me to find here...

Semlor!

Don't they just look amazing?!

It's a traditional Swedish pastry that we eat on Fettisdagen every year - although these days people eat them from February to Easter. and they are amazing.
I wish I could get at least one.
I would be so happy. I could make the buns I suppose but I don't know if they have almondpuree (or whatever it's called in English) here, or where to find it if they do.

I am getting a Swedish recepie book when I go home just before Easter... Hopefully I'll be able to get a semla in a café then aswell! I'm buying the book 'Sju sorters kakor'. No doubt.

Slurp!

sixtyseven

2009-02-06T16:39:00.004Z

I have a headcold. :(
Selfmedicating (here's some tips) a combination of Lemzip Max, Strepsil + anasthetic, Echinacea and my new favourite drink: Vit Hit berry Boost... It's great.
Tastes like swedish red mixed lemonade (blandsaft) and reminds me of summer... and it contains 100% of the recommended daily intake of loads of vitamins like vit C, E B1, B5 & B6 and Ginseng...

I am not getting sick!!! I refuse.

...The landlord is bringing me a new wardrobe tomorrow :)
I will be able to hang up some clothes finally!

sixtysix

2009-02-04T15:43:00.002Z

For the last two days Ireland and the UK has been in a complete shock from the snow that has been falling here.
To be honest it is a bit laughable for me since I am used to much much much worse "real" Swedish snow storms. it's not even that bad here... only like 10 cm of snow at the most. I know it's a bit worse in the country and in the UK but not as bad as they make it out to be.
Not to be a bitch about it or anything but it is a bit funny... Loads of schools have closed - buses aren't running - the underground was closed in London - I mean, the underground! How is that even affected by the snow?!
It's just silly really.
I know they aren't used to it and they don't have dubdecks on the cars and blah blah but what the real reason is here in Dublin is that people are too lazy to walk to the bus-stop like they usually do and take the bus. It's almost like they think the snow is some sort of acid that will kill them if they walk in it...
So they take the car - and so does a couple of thousand other lazy people - and that's a recepie for mental traffic - that is what creates the chaos. Not the snow.

The snow here in Dublin is long gone now anyway. It snowed loads but melted as soon as it hit the ground. And then it rained like it was never going to stop during the night so everything was flushed away.

I miss the Swedish proper snow a bit. You know when you walk in the snow and it does that squeeky noise from being compressed under the shoes. It's a real comfort thing for me - so many childhood memories are connected with that sound.
I was really happy when the snow started falling because I saw in my mind how I could have a snowball fight and build a snowman and all that...
Those dreams were flushed away pretty quickly!

The forecast was for more snowy showers (that's what they call it) tonight but it looks fine to me... I think the wind changed. The sky is blue and it's warm so tonight I am going out to Celbridge to hang out in Alexs house and watch a film. If we get snowed in for real I wont be able to go to work tomorrow so I wouldn't mind - but I know it wont happen. Just my luck.

Other news: I am looking for a studio apartment because I want to live on my own and I need something closer to Griffith College since I am starting there in September. I want to get a cat aswell so I'm going to try and find something where I can have a pet. It's not allowed in most places.

I will be a crazy catlady - you just wait and see! :)

sixtyfive

2009-01-27T12:00:00.003Z

I want to read Capital in English...
It seems like a good time to actually read the whole book. It will be more complicated for me than in Swedish perhaps, but it would be good to learn the lingo in English.
I haven't read the whole book in Swedish either - I could never bear it when I was younger - it just seemed so impossibly large and complicated. But I have read a good few bits and pieces on separate occassions and I think I'm ready for the whole of it now.
I don't think you have to read Capital to be a socialist. I was never an academic socialist but more a regular person with good common sense who happened to be good at talking to people.
But with the current situation I do feel like I want to read through it more thorough. Also I feel that if I read it in English I wont feel so confused with which words to use when I talk about politics in English.

Just looking at the quote below tells us that Marx knew very well what he was talking about back then and that it very much can be applied to what is happening at the moment:

"Owners of capitalism will stimulate [the] working class to buy more and more of expensive goods, houses and technology, pushing them to take more and more expensive credits, until their debt becomes unbearable. The unpaid debt will lead to bankruptcy of banks which will have to be nationalized and [the] State will have to take the road which will eventually lead to communism." Karl Marx

I'll leave you with that.

sixtyfour

2009-01-23T14:26:00.004Z

will you still love me, will you still see me when I'm sixtyfour...

My housemate is moving out. We need a new girl in our house. This is my room, the room that's up for rent:

I'm probably taking hers.

and this is me:

I'm fun! Who would not want to live here?!

So let me know if you know anyone looking for a place. Alright.

Other news in my life: Taking a course for work called "Freedom of information and Data protection" - seems really interesting and also it's brilliant for when I become a Journalist. Perfecto!

Going to Celbridge soon to paint Alex's room and clean the attic apparently. I'm like the best girlfriend in the world.

and last but not least in this very scattered blogpost: Why is grandmother and grandson and all that called "grand" -son, mother, etc???
Are they better (more grand) than mothers and sons or what's the story with that?

Maybe I should study history of language instead... hmm...

sixtythree

2009-01-21T11:14:00.011Z

So Barrack Obama is now President of the USA. Hurray.
The world is struck by Obamania and people seem to think he's Jesus and will be able to perform nothing short of a miracle. I would not like to be him at the moment. The expectations on him are just unreal.
Now, I'm not saying that it isn't good that he is the new President. I sure am happy that he won and not John McCain. But, I think we have to remember that he's only a human being. Also it is not a revolution and the difference in his politics to the rest of the world probably wont be that big. The biggest change and I think that the happiest moment for me yesterday was to see George W Bush being put in a helicopter and sent home. Out of the White House. Not a day to soon.
As an American citizen said when he was interviewed by Sky News last night: "It can't get any worse than it was before."

But what we have to remember is that even if some people want us to believe that what happened in the US was something in the likes of a socialist revolution the truth is that some of the administration from Bush's regime still remains in the White House. The people responsible for the Iraq war for example. This is a very strong signal that they will not be held responsible for the lies and the warcrimes commited and it certinly brings any hope for change in US foreign politics down to a minimum.

I'm also very interested in seeing how he will go ahead with the closing of Guantanamo Bay. I think the only thing honorable is for the US to take responsibility for the people there and give them a real trial with a proper defence and then make sure that the innocent people are taken care of by the US. It's the least they can do.

But I think there is something that is very important to remember:

"I am not a liberator. Liberators do not exist. The people liberate themselves."
Ernesto Che Guevara

and this is what the pundit kitchen says:

Only time will tell...

sixtytwo

2009-01-16T09:43:00.004Z

I must say I don't feel like writing about anything else than what is going on in Gaza at the moment - and has been going on for the last 60 years.
I can't think of anything else - even when I laugh at a joke or kiss my boyfriend - it is still there in the back of my mind. The pictures of dead - of bleeding and dying men, women and children.

I read a very good quote today. It's from a book by Israeli Knesset speaker and Jewish National Fund chairman Avraham Burg. It's from a powerful new book called “The Holocaust Is Over, We Must Rise From Its Ashes,” and this is what he says:

“If you are a bad person, a whining enemy or a strong-arm occupier, you are not my brother, even if you are circumcised, observe the Sabbath, and do mitzvahs. If your scarf covers every hair on your head for modest, you give alms and do charity, but what is under your scarf is dedicated to the sanctity of Jewish land, taking precedence over the sanctity of human life, whosever life that is, then your are not my sister. You might be my enemy. A good Arab or a righteous gentile will be a brother or sister to me. A wicked man, even of Jewish descent, is my adversary, and I would stand on the other side of the barricade and fight him to the end.”

I wish and hope that the socialistic movement in Israel will grow so big that it can overthrow the current government and make a real change.

Because the answer to peace doesn't lie in a military solution. We can't put our faith in UN or any politicians or movements outside of Israel and Palestine. UN has already showed that they have no control or power over what is happening. Especially since the USA are standing in their way. Without the support of an American government UN has no real power in Israel.
I don't think that there will be a big change in that when Barrack Obama starts his precidency because if he would do something radically different he would already have spoken out. I must say I am disappointed because I - just like many others - had a lot of hope for this new president. Let's see what he does once he does get into office but I am not expecting anything radical from him.

The answer to real change and peace in the middle east - as anywhere else lies with the working class. Even Hamas that might seem radical by the average person here because of their violent resistance towards Israel are very right wing and Hamas military has killed unionist palestinians for their resistance of the oppression within Palestine. The Israelian government is super right wing and a big part of the working class people of Israel (Palestinians and Israelis living in the state of Israel) are payed way below what is necessary for survival. It is among them that the resistance will rise. They have no interest in war. The war is only in the interest of the upperclass citizens that want to stay in power and that want to show to the world that the "iron wall" of the israelian army is invincible. Because they were humiliated by Lebanon back in 2006.

There was a protest in the north of Israel the other day with 100'000 people (mostly Palestinians) saying that it must end. There was also one in Tel aviv where 10'000 people - mostly Israelians protested. So there is resistance within the state of Israel and I think that that's where we have to put our hope and support.

Because real and lasting change can only come from within and if we don't believe in that there is no hope at all.

/Hannah

sixtyone

2009-01-13T09:52:00.003Z

Sunday, January 11, 2009
From a Meaningless Life to a Meaningless Death

Letter from Gaza

"The sky is still blue as I remember. I haven’t seen it since three days. I almost forgot how beautiful it looks on a sunny day in winter. I wish I could walk on the beach and enjoy some peace.

Three days ago, I moved to the house of my husband's family with him and our children. We left our beach apartment with the wonderful view in order to find a more secure place where the kids cannot hear the loud sounds of explosions and wake up frightened and crying. I cannot give them any assurances that tomorrow will be better for them and that they will be save. They stopped asking us when this going to end and when they can get back to living their normal lives as children.

The images are always the same, except that this time they are more violent and evil. We stopped enjoying anything after the Israeli war against the civilians in Gaza. Neither me nor my children can stand the sound of the continuous bombing of the Israeli war machines. It is worse during the night. The children started to go to bed very early to avoid hearing the sounds of F-16s dropping bombs. You cannot imagine how scary it is to hear the whistling of the missiles before they hit. With every hit you feel that this time you are that targe and you count the seconds before they hit. All what we can do is to thank Allah when we all wake up safe the next morning. We will live another day !

I used to listen to how people talk about hating wars, about all the pain it leaves in their hearts and souls. War is very cruel and we. the Palestinian refugees, have witnessed the cruelty of war more than once. This time, it is the cruelest of all. There is no mercy, no difference between a child, an old man or even an innocent, unborn fetus. All are criminals and deserve to die according to Israel.

I stopped hoping for an end,. My children have stopped feeling after seeing the photos broadcasted on the news. Children, families - are all the victims of the Israeli hate and inhumanity. Life became meaningless not only for us but also for our children. We, therefore, only wait our turn to join the list, as an additional number, nothing more, but just a number.

Our only wish is to die together as one family so no one of us has to live through the bitterness of losing the other."

by Najwa Sheikh,
Nusierat Camp, Gaza Strip

Source: http://socialistwebzine.blogspot.com/

sixty - years of terror

2009-01-12T15:39:00.004Z

60 happens to be the number of this blog and also coincidentally the number of years that Palestine has been occupied by Israel and I will dedicate this number 60 blog to Palestine.

On Saturday I went to a protest here in Dublin against the warcrime and massmurder that is being commited against Palestine and the Palestinian people. One of the things that the protest brought up was that since Israel is a terror state and are murdering people everyday the ambassador of Israel should be thrown out of Ireland and the Irish ambassador should be taken home from Israel.

The photos below were taken by me at the protest on Saturday.

From www.indymedia.ie:

Over 1,500 people attended the protest march against the continuing assault against the people of Gaza.
With all borders sealed the 1.5 million Palestinians, living in Gaza, are trapped-with little electricity or fuel and severe shortages of food, clean water and medicines-and are facing Israeli's military might.
Gaza's morgues are filling up and its hospitals are overflowing, with the injured queuing in corridors to be treated with dwindling medical supplies.

Israel claims it is trying to stop Hamas firing rockets. Yet Israeli's agenda is the destruction of the democratically-elected Hamas government.

An Israeli military spokesman said that "anything affiliated with Hamas is a legitimate target". This means all of Gaza's infrastructure has become a "legitimate target." Israel has justified its destruction of Gaza,s schools, universities and mosques by claiming that Hamas is storing weapons in them.

More international pressure needs to be applied on Israel. This means an economic boycott. At the moment most Irish based grocery chains stock Israeli goods, including fruit and vegetables, stolen goods grown on stolen ground.

ON SATURDAY JANUARY 17th a collective boycott of Israeli goods in supermarkets in Dublin city centre will take place. Israeli goods sold in Irish supermarkets are herbs, fruits (such as Jaffa oranges) avocadoes , new potatoes, dried fruits - they are easily recognizable because they are marked 'Product of Israel' on the shelves.

RALLY AT 2pm AT THE CENTRAL BANK after which city-centre supermarkets which stock Israeli goods will be visited and the boycott of Israeli goods publicized.

'Boycott of Israeli goods, campaign meeting - to prepare the campaign and get your suggestions as to how to make it effective will take place on WEDNESDAY 14th JAN AT 6.00pm in the Abbey room, in Wynns Hotel in Abbey St. Everyone welcome.

fiftynine

2009-01-12T12:27:00.003Z

I went to the cinema to see Che (Part 1) the other day with Alex.
It wasn't brilliant but it wasn't really bad either. We discussed it afterwards and agreed that we didn't really get a good feel for the characters - such a long movie could surely had dwelled more on getting to know a few of the people a bit better. Since we didn't get to know them we didn't get that heart crunching feeling you would expect when someone dies or get hurt. It was more like factual. Like ok so someone dies and we didn't even know his name. It's very rushed and dwells too long on the discussions in the UN without actually telling the whole story.
I was disappointed because I would have expected more of a story (it has to be said again) from such a long film - so long it has to be divided in two parts!
It was interesting though to see the discussions in the UN and the interview a journalist did with Che. I can't say I was really bored but it seemed to dwell on and repeat some really unnecessary things - like walking through the jungle - more walking - more walking and then some sitting around in the jungle eating and drinking.
I was thinking that maybe the director didn't want us to sympatise with Che or his men and was afraid of making some statement. He might have wanted to tell the story from a non judging point of view. That's all fine but the truth is that a film where you don't feel sympathy for anyone becomes flat and uninteresting.

So my judgement on the film was that for being so long (again) it had very little contents and it was a bit flat. I still want to see Part 2 when it comes out though because I really do feel like I only got half the story... time will tell if I'll feel differently after seeing the last part.

/Hannah

fiftyeight

2009-01-07T09:22:00.003Z

I feel so angry, sad and powerless watching the news about Israel murdering all those civilian people in Palestine.

I think I've cried everyday watching the news lately. This is criminal and the world politicians must do something now!

I'm so angry!

fiftyseven

2009-01-06T11:16:00.006Z

Insomnia...

God I feel like shit. Serious whining warning here, whining ahead.

So on Saturday I got the vomiting disease and was sick and couldn't move from the bathroom for about 6 hours. Kept getting sick for another couple of hours and basically haven't recovered since. Still can't eat. Feel so sick all the time and last night I couldn't sleep at all either. I just want it to be over. I want to be better. I just want to be healthy and be able to sleep so I can be a happy and nice person. Right now I am so annoyed and tired and I'm angry at everyone and everything.

I hate hate hate being sick. I hate vomiting. Vomiting must be kharmas way of instantly giving us a little taste of hell. I always feel I must have done something terribly wrong and start analysing myself and my actions so I can justify why i got so sick.

I lost about 5 kilos - and I do NOT need to loose weight so it's not good. I am weak and tired and whiny.

I hate myself and my body that is controlling me like this.

I just want to be better. Make me better... Please!

This is not the way I wanted to start the new year!

fiftysix

2008-12-31T13:52:00.002Z

Ring, klocka, ring i bistra nyårsnatten
mot rymdens norrskenssky och markens snö;
det gamla året lägger sig att dö...
Ring själaringning över land och vatten!

Ring in det nya och ring ut det gamla
i årets första, skälvande minut.
Ring lögnens makt från världens gränser ut,
och ring in sanningens till oss som famla.

Ring våra tankar ut ur sorgens häkten,
och ring hugsvalelse till sargad barm.
Ring hatet ut emellan rik och arm
och ring försoning in till jordens släkten.

Ring ut vad dödsdömt räknar sina dagar
och forngestaltningar av split och kiv.
Ring in ett ädlare, ett högre liv
med bättre syften, mera rena lagar.

Ring ut bekymren, sorgerna och nöden,
och ring den frusna tiden åter varm.
Ring ut till tystnad diktens gatularm,
men ring till sångarhjärtan skaparglöden.

Ring ut den stolthet, som blott räknar anor,
förtalets lömskhet, avundens försåt.
Ring in det rätta på triumfens stråt,
och ring till seger mänsklighetens fanor.

Ring, klocka, ring... och seklets krankhet vike;
det dagas, släktet fram i styrka går!
Ring ut, ring ut de tusen krigens år,
ring in den tusenåra fredens rike!

/Orginaltext av Alfred Lord Tennyson, Oversattning till svenska av Edvard Fredin

This is the poem Ring Out, Wild Bells translated in to Swedish.
It's always read on TV at 12 o clock on New Years Eve. I always liked it.
I took out the last verse here - partly because it mentions Messias in a way that I don't belive in and also because that is the way it's read on TV and it's the way I have always heard it.

Happy New Year!
Athbhliain faoi Mhaise Daoibh! (Irish)
Gott Nytt Ar! (Swedish)
Feliz Ano Nuevo! (Spanish)

Trying to memorise them now :)

xh

fiftyfive

2008-12-23T12:03:00.002Z

I am sorry but I forgot to bring my camera again.
I went to my Christmas lunch with work yesterday at one o clock - we had food and drink and by 7 o clock I was drunk as a skunk and went home in a taxi - fell asleep immedietly and woke up at one because I had to pee... Took me an hour to fall asleep again.
The usual suspects were apparently out until about 2 o clock so I'm very happy I went home early because the people who stayed out don't look too well today :)

Anyway I got more sleep than I have had in a long time and feel very rested and happy today :)

I'm getting the last two Christmas presents today I hope... If I make it to a certain shop before they close. Then I'm heading to Jo Burger tonight for dinner with some friends and I might go dowm to Andrews Lane (Trashed+Antics=buzzbuzz) later for a dancing party party...

So probably not going to update this until after Christmas so:

Nollaig Shona Daoibh

xh

fiftyfour

2008-12-22T10:55:00.003Z

I will put up the picture of the painting that goes with this tomorrow because I forgot my camera today. Anyway, read and tell me what ya think...

This is a love letter

Hey
Check me out and hear my words that flies
like notes around the place
My million dollar smile my
long legs and my fading summer freckles check it
Hey hey HEY!
Look at me! Check me out I have
angle curls in my hair
My freedom hair

I am a burning exclamation mark

smooth white skin I have
blue eyes I have
the best sense of humour and blood on my
lips I have
blisters from my kick ass attitude I have
fancy clothes and
dead serious moments behind
retro sunglasses
or a laugh in every octave
if that’s what makes you tick

a half full bed and a way
of bumping in to doors or falling of chairs
that most people don’t really get

I have cards up my sleeves and thousands of dreams
you can have some if you want

If you want
I’m not so good at cleaning
I drink wine too often and I smoke too
much I can’t really tell right from wrong
or truth from lies but

I can play two songs on the piano and
I can sing in the shower I am not afraid to take some risks
I know how to walk through a room
and make it look like I don’t notice

how everyone is looking

I can pretend that I’m not scared or
tell you that I am and let you hold me
I am warm at night

My handwriting is pretty and I have to make things even and

I will make love to you
and yell with you and breathe with you at night
share the air

in and out

I will love you until
I break until it hurts
and you get red marks

from me

when I am angry I will want your blood
but I will settle for your hunger
and you will eat until you’re full

I have young breasts and good taste in music
a cigarette in my mouth and a drink
in my hand I have an
old key I got at this market in a chain around my neck

I will never ask for diamonds
I have the word sex carved in capital letters
in the angles between my ribs and soul

I have hungry fingers
burning lips
moaning eyes

Check it out,
Don’t you want me?

/Hannah

fiftythree

2008-12-18T16:28:00.001Z

I wrote a "poem" or whatever the other day but I don't know if I should put it up - I'm scared someone will criticise me and I'm scared that no one will comment because that would mean they don't like it... Scary!

I don't know... Does anyone want to read it?

In that case it will be published here in combination with the latest painting I made - still have to finish the last details though.

What do you think?

fiftytwo

2008-12-15T10:22:00.002Z

I forgot about Lucia! I can't believe I forgot!

One of my favourite celebrations ever and I forgot... I'm turning Irish.

fiftyone

2008-12-09T15:32:00.004Z

so I've sucked at bloging and at being social lately but it's only because first I was in hospital (I'm ok though) and then I was home sick.
Now I'm on antibiotics and back in work so everything is much better :)

I wrote a poem today... I worked as well but I felt so inspired and couldn't wait for tonight because then it might have been forgotten.

Biggest concerns at the moment is all the Christmas shopping I have to do.
I find it hard to get into the Christmas spirit too - I mean I haven't seen snow in 2 years! I just wish we could get a bit of snow for like a week so we could have a snowball fight and make a snowman and other cheesy stuff like that.

...kiss under an old lamp while the snow gently falls around us...

Mmm trailed of a bit there...

Anyhow I have bought 2 Christmas presents. The most expensive ones and now I have to get everything else... what do I get for Alex's dad? - and for my sister and her husband?

I'm getting some stuff for Alex and some cards and wrapping paper today... :)

Merry Christmas or whatever

fifty

2008-11-27T16:05:00.002Z

The information day at Griffith was pretty good. I sat down with one of the teachers who told me more about what all the different classes are about. He took some examples of things they get to do and told me I would have enough social studies included in the course and it wont be necessary to take any extra ones. So that is good.
He also reassured me that I wont have any problems with not being born Irish because most examples they take from society are fictional (like they would use Springfield as an example) and other than that everyone needs to do research.

He actually thought that most students from Sweden have it a bit easier with certain things because in upper secondary school we get to learn how to put in references in our essays and how to write an essay the correct way etc.
Then we learn basic IT stuff like power point and excel in school and they don't get to do that at all here apparently!

Anyway I left feeling more sure than ever that this is going to be really really hard but above all it's the right thing to do for me and I am going to love it! :)

Can't wait for it!

Using my brain again! It's going to be great...

haha in like a year and a half I'm going to read this and go "What was I thinking??? I don't ever want to use my brain again!!!"

Well... hopefully not...

xh

fortynine

2008-11-25T13:19:00.002Z

So I got in to Griffith College. I'm going there tomorrow for an open day and I'll be able to ask all my questions and hopefully feel a bit wiser on everything afterwards.
I have a lot of thoughts about studying and this is what I think...

I am really looking forward to starting college. I hope I picked the right thing for me to do. Journalism and Visual Media.
It basically means that I will be able to combine photography and writing and then when I start my career I can choose to do a bit of both or focus on what feels right at the time. I have three years to try it out so I should be able to make up my mind by then.
I might take some extra classes in other things once I’ve finished this degree though. If I still feel like studying I might do a minor in social psychology and/or behavioural psychology.
It interests me a lot and I think it could really help when working as a Journalist. Also I really need to get better at History and Geography… I totally didn’t care back in school and mostly know about the history of fascist movements – mostly in Sweden – and that’s not even up to date so it wouldn’t really help me here.
It might be enough to get some books on it and read on my own – I don’t think I really need a diploma in it. I should wish for that for Christmas. Maybe an atlas and some sort of summary of modern history for a start… a book that tells history globally and with an overview.
In school we always read about either one country at the time or one war at the time – which to me felt so out of context. It made it hard to grasp and understand why and how things happened. The important thing to me is to understand the whole picture and that one action in one country effects the actions in another... like a cause and consequence sort of history telling. That is how our drama teacher used to teach us. It happened sometimes that we sat through a whole lesson where we should have been practising Shakespeare and instead she would tell us the whole cause and effect of something we were all confused about in History or Religion or whatever – and I learned more in those classes than anywhere else because she told it logically and the big deal wasn’t memorising dates but to really understand why things happen the way they do and how they come about. That is the whole point in knowing history. To know roughly the dates is of course important in some ways too but I think that part will come naturally once you get an understanding of what happened.

So! If anyone can find me a book like that, please tell me!!! I have no idea where to even start looking.

Now I’m going to read The Irish Times and try figure out what happened with whole financial crisis – where did all the money go? If everyone is loosing money someone must be getting some more somewhere. Someone must have them… Or were they really just numbers on a screen after all? Like I always said… :)

xh

fortyeight

2008-11-21T16:25:00.002Z

YEEEEEEEEEES!!!

I got it I got it I got it!!!

fortyseven

2008-11-21T16:08:00.003Z

Yay this lovely girl (in the middle) just texted me saying she's in town!

I suspected her to be gone forever but meeting for pints later. Nice.

:)

fortysix

2008-11-17T11:49:00.002Z

Things like this makes me happy:

even if the music is a bit cheesy... :)

fortyfive

2008-11-17T10:58:00.003Z

I was cleaning my room yesterday.
Getting rid of some ugly clothes and some books I've finished. I was rearranging the furniture and now I have a space to paint. I have an empty canvas waiting for me as well. Happiness :)
Drama class tonight and meeting Lena for coffee before that I think. Nice day.

Feeling better.

x

fortyfour

2008-10-30T16:04:00.004Z

I try so hard to be here and to stay in focus but everything is blurred and fades out. The sounds tune out and I'm back in my mind, again.

Hey Anxiety! Not so much welcome back... but hey you don't care do you? You just barge in and take up all the place on my couch - getting stains all over it, rob the remote control and eat all the food. Like a guest that overstays its welcome and wont get the hint. I hate you.
and Hey Depression! You're here too! It's almost like a class reunion when you're the one who was bullied and all the time and success in the world doesn't matter because as soon as you walk into that party you're the lonely, stupid, little, ugly and annoying girl that has no friends again.
So what do you guys want? Oh you're going to beat me up again? Depression takes hold of me with his clammy hands while Anxiety hits me in the stomach and Depression whispers in my ear: "They are all going to leave you. Did you think you mattered to anyone? Did you think they really cared about you? Stupid slut. I thought we taught you better than that."
And all I can do is catch my breath and force out through gritted teeth Go away!

To be continued...

fortythree

2008-10-29T14:22:00.003Z

Fun times in Barcelona...

fortytwo

2008-10-28T15:26:00.003Z

I'm imploding.

My soul and body are melted into one big grey mass with a desperate "no feeling" except the anticipation of disaster.
I feel like I need to get up on a mountaintop and scream and scream and scream and cry out all this anxiety... with no one to tell me to calm down or comfort me but someone who will let me just scream and be upset. I need to be upset. But there's no room for that right now so it will have to wait.

So I'm sitting here in work... slowly imploding. And that scream will turn inwards and rip up everything in its way.

That's how it feels.

fortyone

2008-10-26T19:23:00.002Z

If you go through a lot of things in your life... things you have to have strength and courage to get through - will you eventually become cold?

Does your heart grow colder and colder for every time?

Will it eventually shrink into itself and never be able to beat for something again?

It worries me. I don´t ever want to become bitter and coldhearted. How do you find a balance there? Between strength and shutting it all of?

forty

2008-10-24T12:52:00.001+01:00

So what can I say... I can't say anything.

thirtynine

2008-10-20T15:40:00.002+01:00

One of the most beautiful Swedish songs ever.
Too bad most of you don't understand Swedish...

well I made an attempt at a translation:

you see the other half of the sun as it sets in to the west
I'm sitting here alone, wondering about where things will end up next
with you on the other side of earth, I'm able to find the time for nothing at all
while the night comes, blue cold shadows "falls" around

we could survive whatever comes, we could never say the word no
and what you "trust upon me", I shall "trust upon you"

there is a storm brewing tonight, search and confess
the son of god will come down from the heavens again
you will stand naked in front of the truth, and all the dilemmas of the world

he is going to test your strength
he is going to test your moral

we walk silently the line where summer ends
as teenagers on our way home from yesterdays première
now nothing would ever be like it once was, we were in another league
we could hear the dark waters of autumn roar beneath the bridge

we could survive whatever comes, we could never say the word no
and what you "trust upon me", I shall "trust upon you"

and just now, i got to listen to the trickle of your laugh
and it told me, that you missed me, tonight, I missed you too
it is so silent here in the streets, unusually silent
its like the night have felt it all, and just quietly sings along

an elegy for all the sorrows this fall will be about
for a mother that fell down sick, she never woke again, for the child that never came
for the shadow in the garden where the sun never could shine through

for a silence in-between the walls, that could cut through all cement
two pair of eyes in emptiness from September until advent
for a man who went to work, like nothing happened at all
for the woman who said everything is broken, it's all burnt

an elegy for all the paths we've yet to wander
for a time that passes by, and that will never come again.

we could survive whatever comes, we could never say the word no
and what you "trust upon me", I shall "trust upon you"

Lars WInnerback - Elegi

I'm not sure how I feel. Moody... and silent.

thirtyeight

2008-10-17T13:05:00.003+01:00

I went to Antics this week - for the first time in a decade... or a few months anyway!
It was good fun. Ravenheads from Barcelona (one of the guys was born in Sweden though) and Silverio played... It was... interesting. The music was good and Silverio was crazy.
I was wearing my new shiny zipper sweater from AA :) I want more shiny clothes! I want a shiny jumpsuit! A baggy one - with a belt.

Oh yeah someone farted while Silverio was playing and it was disgusting. Why do people always let so bad farts in Antics? What's the story with that?

oh and I'm doing the fashion show. :D

Photos: Johnny McMillan

thirtyseven

2008-10-16T09:20:00.004+01:00

I have PMS that makes me feel like - and others think that - I belong in a mental institution.
I went nuts last night and couldn't control my behaviour.
I always try and ruin everything for myself... what's up with that?

I hate hormones and mood swings.

I'm so sorry.

thirtysix

2008-10-15T14:07:00.005+01:00

Some more photos from Barcelona. These ones are from Montserrat, a monastery in the mountains about 45 minutes with train from Barcelona.
We "climbed" all the way up to the top where there were some caves where the hermits used to live. I was a little bit scared at the time but not so much... the next couple of days though I had horrible nightmares of falling down the mountain and woke up terrified realising afterwards how dangerous it really was. I mean those caves were really old and they might just fall apart at any time... The cable car was pretty cool as well. I was a bit scared though. My legs were shaking when I got out at the top. In a nice way...

Look how Alex just leans in that fence so relaxed... What if it had just fallen off? It was just a big steep slope behind it and on the bottom - lots of rocks! uuuh I get chilles from seeing that picture...

thirtyfive

2008-10-13T11:47:00.003+01:00

I am back from Barcelona and I LOVED IT! Came back early on Friday morning (or late Saturday night - whichever you prefer) to lashing rain, whoo!
I thought I was going to die in a plain crash for about a minute or two because of the turbulence and the shaky and very very fast landing but it went ok.

It is such an amazing place for architecture and people and food. Cigarettes are super cheap and drink as well... it was like 60 cents for a tetra pak of cheap (probably crap) wine in the supermarket... the nicer wines are like 6 euro. I really don't understand why wine has to be so expensive here in Ireland when it's so cheap in Spain... I mean I know it costs a bit more with shipping and stuff but even imported wines in Spain are cheaper. We're being ripped off...

Also I was obsessed with the tomatoes. They taste completely different over there... like sunshine :) Sooo nice. Mmmm

I am currently uploading all my photos and I'll put some up as soon as I can. There is over 300 photos so it's going to take a while.

I stayed in all weekend and I have a cold. Trying to get better for Wednesday now and tonight I have a casting for a fashion show and later on drama class if all goes well. Yay :)

x

thirtyfour

2008-09-26T14:09:00.003+01:00

I was reading the Swedish news on Aftonbladet.se. How depressing...

Sverige
Sprang in i dörr - får pengar (13:02)
Kvinna våldtagen i Luleå (12:57)
Kvinna attackerad i lägenhet (12:32)
Åtta dömda i heroinhärva (12:29)
Bättre tider ger gladare bönder (11:29)
Sänkt straff för övergrepp på barn (11:27)
85-åring nekas hjälp av dotter (10:52)
Illegal djurhandel upptäcks inte (10:00)
Katastrofår för svenskt vete (09:39)
Vårdare slängde åldring i golvet (06:45)
Butik sålde smuggeltobak till barn (06:43)
Två dog vid grundstötning (06:38)
Man knivskuren i Köping (06:35)
Drogade pappan före mordet (06:34)
Barn får universitetslektioner (06:27)
Två skadade av 80-gradig vätska (06:26)

I know people reading this that don't understand Swedish will be very confused but I really don't have the energy to translate it all... Basically it's all just really horrible news like rapes and drugs and people that have been killed or hurt in accidents. One says that they have lowered the amount of years you have to be in prison for assaulting kids... Sick!
Ok, one of them is about happy farmers but really... who cares when everything else is crap.

I care too much.

I prefer to get my daily political updates from here: http://punditkitchen.com/

thirtythree

2008-09-25T12:43:00.003+01:00

Ok so this is the fourth day in a row that I have woken up with a headache and it's getting very annoying. I think it's the iron supplements I have been taking that is giving me a headache. It's the only explanation I can come up with because I have done everything else I can think of to get rid of it.
So now I have to pick anemic or headache I guess ...No but I'm going to try and get the iron through my regular food as much as possible and hopefully that will be enough.

Yesterday I got my legs and bikini line waxed for Barcelona.
OH MY GOD!!! It hurt so much. I am never ever doing that again!

We are going on Saturday night. I'm really excited to see Barcelona. I have only heard good things about it. We're staying with Rigo the first 2 nights and I'm still trying to find accommodation for the remaining 10 days. Hopefully I'll find something soon.

All the news I had so far...

Here's a photo from Friday last weekend in Hogans:

thirtytwo

2008-09-24T17:25:00.002+01:00

outtake 1

///I dreamt last night that it all happened and then we met again like in a fairytale, you were touring and I was a travelling journalist. I must have been like 35. We met in NY and we were falling in love all over again - I thought - and then you showed me pictures of your kids and your wife and I realized it was all too late and I was alone again///

thirtyone

2008-09-23T15:51:00.002+01:00

I have a new dress.

thirty

2008-09-22T15:53:00.002+01:00

Nobody puts baby in a corner...

I'm going home to cure my sore throat... My immune system is completely out of order. Going to eat loads of vitamins and garlic. Stay away... :P

twentynine

2008-09-18T16:00:00.005+01:00

I went to my friend Dairine's (did I spell that right now?) house yesterday to catch up and she got a little puppy! Is he not like the cutest thing ever?

Then I had my first Fibbers experience... was a bit scared at first but I just came for one drink so I left early, but still - so cheap drinks and so funny to look at people. It all reminded me about when I was like 15 and listened to punk rock and I was skateboarding and I wore those crazy clothes... Never dyed my hair pink though... kind of regret that - it's to late now - I would look like a sap.
I must say I felt very tidy and grown up... and a little bit old.

Anyway I had a really good time and I have to say that Dairine's granny is like the sweetest ever. So nice and welcoming. Even though she tried to steal my hat... ;)

twentyeight

2008-09-18T16:00:00.003+01:00

Treats from NY in work... Mmm

twentyseven

2008-09-18T16:00:00.002+01:00

I finally got around to reading this book... been wanting to for ages.
It's really really good.

Most people have probably read it already but if you haven't - do!

Big Brother is watching you.

Also got around to develop the photos from when my dad was over and from last weekend in Howth. They turned out really good. I love this camera.

twentysix

2008-09-17T12:45:00.003+01:00

Flashback/Backflash/Flashback/Backflash

When he said... "I'm like Romeo but I haven't found my Julia" I knew already it wasn't going to work... I mean what kind of person says something like that?

We had spoken on MSN I think. One of my friends had given him my e-mail. Then I let my friends set me up on some sort of date anyway - even though I already knew it was never going to happen. He just joined us all at the Mezz when we went there for drinks one night.

And he came - I saw him, said "Hi" and I turned around to my friends and mouthed "What were you thinking?" when he wasn't looking.
I had just been on a crappy date the week before with another guy and I had told them everything I disliked about that one... I remember it well: He was short - really short. He looked like a little boy. No facial hair at all. He had an annoying high pitched voice. He was insecure and made jokes to cover it up.
I told them all this and still... STILL they set me up with dwarfy there (minus the hair).

I only had to look at this guy once to know that he was definetly shorter than me... he looked like he could be 12 or possibly a girl dressed like a boy. His voice was like a little girl and then when I said I didn't think it was gonna work and didn't want to go out with him again, he got pissed off with me and called me a bitch. Then he said "I thought you were like me. You were gonna be my Julia!" I had had enough of being nice by then and just fled the field.
He hated me for ages.

That was a story from my very short time of dating guys in Dublin. I hate dates and I hope I will never have to go on another one again.

I feel so lucky :)

twentyfive

2008-09-17T10:40:00.005+01:00

I saw a photo of Rikard Wolff today and I was thrown back in time... I ran in to him once. (For you guys who don't know - he is a Swedish actor and musician.)

I was in Malmö for a demonstration. this was ages ago! It was a Reclaim the Streets.
It had all gone really well and we were on our way back to the house we were staying in and suddenly some nazi-skinheads were chasing us. We ran for our lives and I ran around a corner into another street and I looked behind me to see if everyone was ok but there was no one there and I ran straight in to Rikard Wolff - who is very tall by the way. It was like running in to a wall. He was like "Are you ok?" or something like that. I just kept running. I had lost my friends and I didn't want to stop until I was in a place with more people - preferably some cops...

Photo: Svenska Dagbladet

But it was pretty funny when I thought about it afterwards.
I looked up and I saw this big smile... He seems nice. I'm sorry I didn't apologize for running in to him.
But if they had caught up with me they probably would have kicked his ass too so in a way I wasn't being rude.

I also ran straight in to Michael Wiehe (Swedish political musician) outside a gig he had. But I wasn't running from anyone that time... I was just being clumpsy.

twentyfour

2008-09-15T11:03:00.004+01:00

Good weekend.

Went on a bit of a pub crawl on Friday with Gary. Had way to many cigarettes and felt disgusting the next day - like I was made of tar...

Then I went to Howth on Saturday. Couldn't have been more lucky with the weather...
Fantastic day for it! So pretty.

Yeats used to live here apparently...

Had a very nice veggie burger at some pub and went back into town to meet up with Alex and his workmates at Bull & Castle. Nice.
Was totally wrecked from all the fresh air though... couldn't handle a night out so we went home early.

My Alex had BIG beers... Very manly :)

whoomp whoomp

twentythree

2008-09-12T11:35:00.000+01:00

Hihihi

twentytwo

2008-09-10T17:23:00.003+01:00

Forgot to put picture up from my birthday.
Best boyfriend ever - gave me cake with 25 candles but I forgot to take photo before we took them out... doesn't matter. Picture in my memory. :)

Couldn't think of what to wish for cuz felt so happy.

Chocolate cake. Very nice one too.

Also went to National Consert Hall. Edith Piaf tribute kind of consert. Very grown up. Very posh. Very romantic.

Love. Love. Love.

twentyone

2008-09-10T16:39:00.006+01:00

She's gone back to Sweden. Gonna miss her!

we had lots of fun... will see each other again - Fo Shoo!

Good luck Bettina! :)

twenty

2008-09-10T15:23:00.002+01:00

Look how pink I am compared to Rike's nice golden tan... Like a pig. Angry pig.

Ok I need escapades this weekend... will go to Howth and climb mountain. Bring picnic.
Just me. On my own... have wanted to do that for ages! But coincidences always made us cancel plan. Will now have plan just for self and only thing who can stop me is weather.
Will probably run in to millions of loud tourists with my luck... or fall down mountain side - would be improvement really - no no I'm not bitter... it's just that I have no life plan and basically all my friends live in other countries. I don't have a life crisis. I am life crisis.

This is Mao. Tut tut.
Unconditional love you might think but no, he is slut... not my cat... just sucks up to me to get food.

Love him anyway. Tut tut.

nineteen

2008-09-09T17:06:00.003+01:00

Back in school. Figuratively speaking. Not literary. Don't want.

Thinking of starting to study soon. Maybe in other country. With less rain. Feel have no soul with no creativity and no learning. Only earning.

Maybe time to move on soon. Been thinking that for long time.

But then there is this

and do not want to leave after all. Maybe lure with?
But would be selfish. Yes. Lots of thinking to be done.
How to make all things come together.
Yes. Lots.

eighteen

2008-08-28T15:05:00.003+01:00

I was looking through some old photos and it made me think about something...
I have always wondered why I tend to come in contact with a certain type of people... The ones who have a club for internal admiring.

I think it has to do with my lack of self-confidence - which is better now but still fragile.

This has happened on and off with loads of different groups of people since I started high school basically. It always starts the same... and ends the same.
First I get pulled in by these eccentric and fun people and I feel welcome in their group... I am always welcome but never a certainty if you see what I mean... I always feel like I'm not really integrated but a bit on the outside and I'm always there at their mercy.

You see, what I always forget is that the club for internal admiring also needs someone they can look down on so they can make themselves feel better.
But since I have always looked down on myself I don't realise that this is happening but I try really hard to fit in and I beat myself up about it every time I get a weird look or I don't get invited to come along for something... I always blame myself.

The first time I know the beginning of the end is coming has always been the same... it's always the same pattern. I hear about a party or something that everyone has been at or heard about except for me and when they realize I know about it or I ask they will always say the same thing... "oh it was spontaneous and it's not like we invited anyone - everyone was just there."

Everyone was just there

That is when I know for sure - I was never a part of Everyone

I was never part of the scene/gang/club for internal admiring. Not in any of them.

and I am happy now that I wasn't because seeing it all from a different perspective makes me understand that the little tiny universe the club is consisting of is not really a group of friends who really like each other.

It's a competition.

A competition I've never chosen to enter. Nevertheless I will suddenly be in it... fighting to fit in and to be worthy.

The thing is that the only winners will be the ones who leaves - and makes real friends in the real world. The losers get to stay but they will think that they are winners because in their own little universe no one else matters.

What I do not understand is why you want to be with people who are mean, judgemental and jealous. Friends that act like they are enemies.

I just don't get it. It makes me a bit tired to think of it. So I wont do that any more.

I have to feed my Tamagotchi now. His name is Arthur.

seventeen

2008-08-22T16:43:00.003+01:00

I want this dress. It looks fantastic! It's from American Apparell

They don't have it in grey yet though. I'll wait for that.

That was the shallow part, so now to finish it up a bit more deep I'll give you a few lines from one of my favorite songs by Ed Harcourt:

'My heart is on it's sleeve
I need you to believe

That the dark times will fade

And I can't stop staring at you
And your expression looks a little confused
This little story will end so well'

(From "This One's For You")

sixteen

2008-08-21T16:22:00.005+01:00

All I want for my Birthday is a cake with 25 candles. It is also on the 25th! How odd... :)

I have never had one of those "blow out all the candles and make a wish" things... All kids should get to do that. After this birthday I think it's safe to say I am not a kid anymore...

bohooo :'(

(no pressure, heh)

fifteen

2008-08-20T12:41:00.007+01:00

Today it is 8 years ago since my uncle 'Mats' died from a brain tumor.

He was sick for so long... they said he had only 1 year to live but he hung in there for 2 more years.
My mothers older brother. He was such a nice person. Just genuinely good ...and funny!
When they were kids he used to tell my mom that the posters in his room would loose all their colour if she looked at them too much... pranks and good music was his thing.

He left three daughters behind when he died. Marit, Victoria and Sanne. They are so beautiful and they seem so happy these days. I will never forget the outcry from Sanne (the youngest one) when they all came in to the hospital to say goodbye to their father. To his body. When we told them he had died ...that expression in their eyes. I will never ever forget.
I hope they still remember him as he was before he got sick and that they still talk about him sometimes. I haven't seen them - I think - since the funeral.

I'll go visit next year, they are old enough now to make decisions of their own and to choose who they want to see. :)

I don't have a photo of all of them but here is one I got from Sanne:

So pretty. :)

fourteen

2008-08-15T15:51:00.002+01:00

This is Bjorn. My bear. He came with me to Ireland.

Once when I was 5 years old me and my dad went on holidays to the north of Sweden. I left him behind in a mall. My dad had to call the owner of the mall who luckily was a friend of his cousin so we could go and get it. I couldn't sleep without it.

I've never left him behind since...

...For some reason basically all guys I've ever introduced to Bjorn have either done the following themselves or they have taken one of my other bears I had back in Sweden - and then pretended that they were fucking Bjorn from behind... Why does all guys feel the need to do this to stuffed toys? I don't get it!

thirteen

2008-08-15T14:34:00.002+01:00

A photo of a photo does not turn out so good... oh well

Leah is coming for Electric Picnic! I have a ticket now.

She arrives on my birthday - or the night to my birthday... :)

I'm having nightmares about getting old. This never used to bother me before. Why am I being so silly about it?
I might just have a 25 crisis and get a red sports car and a hot younger woman with fake boobs.

twelve

2008-08-14T16:59:00.001+01:00

Read the news?

Nah...

eleven

2008-08-14T11:20:00.006+01:00

I have a sofa from MIO in my mothers apartment in Sweden and now she wants me to put it somewhere else! She doesn't want it taking up space there anymore. It's sort of like the one in the picture but beige and a bit bigger.

The best thing about is that it's so deep! Like a big bed. It doesn't really show in the picture (it's not exactly it) but it's an amazing piece of furniture.

I don't know what to do now because I'm not sure when or if I will move back to Sweden and it would cost a fortune to ship it over to me.
Also: Where the fuck would I put it? My room here is tiny!
Storage in Sweden is so expensive and what if I never move back?
The best solution would be to find someone that could borrow it for a while but I don't want it wrecked and the only one I can think of who would be interested has a dog. So not an option really...

I am going to have to sell it. I'm really sad about it. I know it's "just a piece of furniture" but I really L O V E this sofa! I will never find one like it again.

If anyone has got any ideas for other solutions please let me know!

This is such an "i-landsproblem" as we say in Sweden.
and I'm a neurotic person... I know...

ten

2008-08-13T09:27:00.003+01:00

I had this dream right, I was walking up a driveway and the door of the house I was walking towards moved away from me all the time. It moved so far away that it turned into a corridor inside the house. So I stopped - and the door stopped.
Then I walked towards it again and the door was still for a bit. It looked at me and then it jumped away suddenly - much like a stray cat who is suspicious and edgy and doesn't know if it's gonna trust you or not.

It felt like it went on for ages. I wonder what that means...

nine

2008-08-12T09:54:00.003+01:00

So... my friend Dairina was in Thailand and this is one of her pictures:

I am so jealous! She got to pet a tiger!

The closest wild animal encounter I have ever had was when I threw up on a dolphin in The Dominican Republic.

I was sea-sick. Not drunk.

and I am so going to hell for that...

eight

2008-08-11T10:55:00.003+01:00

Ok I wrote this blog on my old blog on my space ages ago...

But today I read a blog by a Swedish girl who's name is Hanna Fridén that was about the same thing so I got to thinking about it again.

I know I said more photos and less text but for this one time I think I'll ignore my own promise...

"Ok I'm really pissed off now. I hate medical companies!

I just read this article about an implanon (birth control thing) for men. It's in Swedish so I'll try translate and explain as best I can...

Basically this company Organon have done research for years and they found a way to stop the sperm production by using a certain hormone. The disadvantage is that the desire and sometimes the erection decreases or disappears. But there is a solution. With the help of injections, patches or gels with testosterone -potency would be unchanged.

But despite the fact that the method works, it is not on the market. The Medical company Organon has for several years tested implanon of men in major international studies. Richard Lindgren, medical director of the company, explains that the men had a normal sexlife, that they did not produce sperm and got back fertility afterwards. So what is it that prevents them from getting it out on the market?

" The problem is that customers do not want this. There is no market for it. And we can not produce a product that nobody wants."

The reason the men stated that they were not interested in the methodology was that it may take three to nine months before the sperm comes back after the treatment ended. But several contraceptives for women have the exact same adverse reaction - and they are already on the market!

If contraception should be approved as a medicine - more study would be needed of possible side effects. But Organon has stopped their tests and ended the project and does not plan to reopen it.

... all I can say is bullshit!

I have never heard of this before and I don't know any guys who have either so who have they asked?

I hate this fuckin finance driven world where everything is about making a profit.

If women knew about this and men knew about it and the alternative was there - out there on the market. - I'll eat my hat if women all over the world wouldn't say "Right, I've done my time with having my mood messed up, my sexdrive down to nothing, getting acne, headaches and all the other side-effects. It's the boys turn now..."

Or at least we should have the choice. If the woman get's horrible side effects or is allergic maybe the guy can do it instead - and the other way around.

I bet you that this company Organon's board has at least 90% men on it.

I'm gonna do something about this. It's fucked up.

Here's the link to the article for the people that can read in Swedish:

http://www.aftonbladet.se/kvinna/article2669036.ab

seven

2008-08-06T14:21:00.008+01:00

Meneo was playing in The Button Factory last week.

It was pretty fuckin deadly...

I have some naked pictures from the gig as well... haven't decided yet if I will put them up...

six

2008-08-06T10:06:00.011+01:00

"Ballina, Ballina, what'ya gonna do, what'ya gonna do when they come for you?"

This weekend was great. We all went to Ballina in Co. Mayo.

We took the bus from Dublin to Ballina on Saturday and then we got a ride with some other people to Ballycastle and Healy's Pub where we spent the weekend at Healy fest.

and they said... let there be a "petrolstation", 2 pubs. 2 small shops. No deli, no chinese, no supermarket, no nothing.

Only beer, bread, potatoes and nature. Just as god had intended it ;)

and music...

lots of music

Session!

Not to shabby...

five

2008-07-30T15:02:00.003+01:00

Haha, it's the moon you eejiit!

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/wales/7489457.stm

four

2008-07-29T13:59:00.002+01:00

New series of The Hills coming soon! I'm so excited... it's basically the only 'braindead' TV I watch.

three

2008-07-28T17:20:00.005+01:00

The dad came to visit this weekend.
I met him on Friday afternoon and thought right, first things first and brought him to the Guinness Storehouse where I made him drink his first properly made pint of Guinness in the sky bar so he could see all of Dublin at once - and save me some time with the sightseeing.

On the Saturday we got up early and rented a car - and after my excellent directions (not so great actually) we drove to Glendalough - the most beautiful mountain lake I've ever seen in real life:

there's some forest aswell...

The day after the weather was incredible so we went to:

and it was very pretty.

Going to see Daniel Johnston tonight in Whelans. Photos tomorrow if I manage to get any good ones...

Much love.

two

2008-07-23T11:41:00.004+01:00

Mirror mirror on the floor - tell me what you're looking for...

Photografer: Tomek Bogut
Object: Hannah

one

2008-07-22T15:30:00.002+01:00

First blog post on this website.

I am excitingly awaiting my new camera. I hope to have it by the end of the week.

xh